Unfinished Business
Broken promises have knocked my confidence.
I’ve made promises that I did not keep.
Many of these I made to myself, and then to the world.
In not seeing them through I’ve lost confidence in myself. I’ve broken my own trust. Now, it’s time to forgive myself and follow through on what I said I’d do.
That’s how I’m going to regain my confidence. By keeping the promises I make to myself.
I said I would put the world’s first mental health gym on the high street. I promised myself, and the world, that I’d do that.
I didn’t.
I built something great, but it wasn’t what I promised. We did not fulfill the mission we said we would.
I said I would publish Jack The Lad, Bridget Jones’s Diary for Men.
That’s still in draft.
I said I would create an independent newspaper for Stoke and Staffordshire.
That’s not finished.
By not following through with what I said I’d do, my confidence has been chipped at. This process began in COVID when I was reduced to a small square on a computer screen and lost all my power. I felt small and invisible. Too much time confined, too much time to think.
Then exiting Sanctus, whilst on paper everything looked swell, internally it wasn’t for me. “The optics look good” as a friend said to me. Yet, I’ve been filled with regret around what I did and did not achieve.
Leaving London, moving to an area where being creative and entrepreneurial is met with more resistance. This has been another challenge to my confidence.
Then, losing a baby was the final passage that last year took me to rock bottom. Despite feeling totally out of control, I also somehow felt like I’d failed again.
All of these things have waned my confidence. Now, I’m coming out of the other side.
My inability to keep the promises I made has chipped at my confidence. If I’m totally honest, I have lost some respect for myself.
It’s not just about the outcomes, I know we can’t control those all the time. It’s that I know deep down I haven’t worked as hard as I could to bring these visions to the world. I know that on some level I gave up, or procrastinated or just didn’t keep going.
It’s those moments of staying in bed that little bit longer, or that important task or conversation that kept getting put off or the other bits of “easy” work that constantly get prioritised over the hard impactful stuff.
It’s in these moments that I have broken promises to myself and in showing up this way consistently over a number of years now, my confidence has declined along with it.
There are things I wanted to do, pieces of work that I said I would share with the world. And because I haven’t done them, or more importantly, put in the work to make them real. I can’t take myself as seriously. I can look myself in the mirror, but if I stare for a long time I’m disappointed and frustrated at what I see when I look deep into my own eyes.
This is the high level of accountability and challenge that I need to see in the mirror and it’s only now that I can look.
I have been kind to myself, I have been compassionate. This isn’t me beating myself black and blue. These are the standards I want to hold myself to, so that I can realise the potential that I know I have inside.
I am not avoiding this hard edge of accountability that is rising up inside me. This voice that says “James, you know you can do better than this.”
Having Xander has brought this to the fore.
I can’t be the dad who says “I had an idea for a fiction book once”
[sharp intake of breath] “Be careful starting a business son, I did it and it’s hard, are you sure?”
Or, the dad that rolls his eyes when he sees someone doing well, “probably came from money”. A sceptic, a cynic. No, that won’t be me.
There are a few very important things to me that I said I’d do and I haven’t. I can forgive myself for that and I am compassionate towards my younger self, But I couldn’t forgive myself for not doing anything about them now I’ve looked hard in the mirror.
The word confidence stems from the Latin word “confidentia”, which means “full trust” The way I see this, confidence is a trust in yourself and trust in life.
I have felt this level of trust and confidence before. I’ve walked tall and steady. It’s a confidence that isn’t frail with bravado. It’s quiet, deep and needs nothing else.
Trust is a currency, a bank account that goes up and down. I’ve been taking too much out and not putting enough back in. I’m ready to invest again.
I want to keep those promises I made to myself. Then, I can look myself dead in the eyes in the mirror and know I did what I said I would, no matter what the outcome.
I’ve got unfinished business. It’s time to get to work.
Cheers,
James x
I’d love to hear from you if this resonates. Reply privately over email or respond in the comments.
What promises haven’t you kept?
Can you forgive yourself?
What’s your unfinished business?
Connect ☎️
I work 1:1 with Founders as a mentor, advisor, coach and brand builder. High level on the business and deep on storytelling and brand. Find out more.
🔔 I’m currently full up, if you’re interested in working together message me and I can let you know when a slot opens up 🔔
I hear you man. This resonates. The struggle is real but also doesn’t have to last forever. Us men need a tribe of other like minded souls to help elevate one another. Perhaps you’ve been in the wrong room this whole time. Glad to hear you’re coming out the other side. 🙌