#151: Happy new year and all that
Last night I spent some time writing down what I feel drawn to in 2021.
It was like a mind map, with 2021 in the middle and then I wrote things that came into my head, that I feel excited about this year.
Like; Rowing, Running, Wild Camping, connecting more with family, reading War & Peace, reading Shakespeare, cooking more new things and other things too..
I’ve often written New Year’s resolutions and intentions for the year ahead and I find the new calendar year a really important time for reflection and intention setting.
However, this new year didn’t feel quite the same as the off and on button were more difficult to find and starting my new year, feels exactly the same to ending the year. In general, I feel less in touch with the change of calendar year this time round.
I’ve also written new years resolutions and goals down before and felt very tied to them, I’ve felt attached to them and I’ve almost written a plan for the year, rather than a set of intentions.
This year, I felt different writing stuff down. It just felt like stuff and I realise I probably won’t do half of it and that’s OK. Or, there will be 10 things not on that piece of paper that I will do that aren’t even in my awareness.
I’m becoming accustomed to this way of viewing goals, to hold them lightly and not see them as life or death. Goals are good, they help provide focus, but if I don’t hit them or I decide to focus on something else, or I change, then that’s absolutely fine. I’ve been so attached to my goals in the past that I’ve made myself feel bad if I don’t get near them, or I’ve got near them and felt nothing.
Last year I did not intend to get a book deal, yet I got one, I don’t believe it’s possible to plan for everything and I know that when I try to I am limiting myself and what is unknown to me.
Instead, on another sheet of paper I wrote 2021 in the centre and then I kept the whole page blank. 2021 was really small in the middle with loads of white space around it, that felt even more powerful to me and I love the idea of keeping lots of freedom and white space in my life in 2021.
I feel..different at the moment. This is the first year in 5 when I have not spent the new year obsessing over Sanctus. In previous years, I have seen the Christmas break as a chance to recuperate so that I can deplete myself again. It’s the first time in a long time, where I have not felt consumed by thought, both worry and other about Sanctus and it feels good.
I feel weird about it, I am in part worried that I “should be” consumed by my business for it to succeed, yet I’ve tried that and it’s not the way I want to live my life.
I’m still in a lot of uncertainty at the moment, and I believe we all are. Varying levels and in different ways of course. I’m uncertain as to exactly how to be a Founder in a business, and not be the CEO. As well as what is currently standard uncertainty as to whether Sarah and I can go to Lisbon in March or when I’ll next actually see people face to face.
There’s a lot uncertainty in the air again, there always is and I wonder if there’s not so much more uncertainty, but that we’re more in touch with it through news, social media and more consciousness than before?
I’m working hard to ground myself and move really slowly in my life. I’m doing a lot of journaling, both responding to journaling prompts every day, and doing long form morning pages too.
I’ve been doing Yin Yoga with Sarah, which is a really great slow grounding practice (Sarah has a FLY LDN subscription)
I’m also being disciplined about going for walks on my own at least once a day and using this as a meditative time to just notice what’s going on in the scenes around me, like watching the birds and listening to the wind in the trees.
I’m finding that time alone with myself is often what I want to avoid. Yet it’s time alone with myself that is really feeling beneficial to find inner peace and feel enough, alone with myself.
There’s a lot to avoid at the moment and actually whilst there’s nothing to do, it’s still very easy to avoid doing nothing and just being with myself. These practices in my life are helping me and they are helping me to find joy, gratitude and perspective in an uncertain world.
I’ve been wondering too what I’ll say in 5 years about this time, I think I’ll say what a time it was to rest and relax, to breathe and have a break. I’m listening to that voice, as he sounds quite wise.
Happy New Year everyone, here’s my first ramble in 2021.
What I'm up to:
I'm reading "When We Were Orphans" by Kazuo Ishiguro
I'm listening to "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle
I'm journaling every day. Sign up to our new Journal and journaling community.
I'm drawing and making prints. Have put some of my Art up on here, COVID one is the latest one and sold my first copy of that last week!
I'm doing mental health talks in businesses and all the money is going to Charity - get in touch if you're interested.
I'm not really doing anything else.