#149: The most raw and honest talk I have ever done
Last week I gave the rawest, most honest and probably weirdest talk of my life.
You can watch it here, I’d love you to. Below is the context behind it and why I did the talk in the way I did. You can read this first or watch it first, whatever works for you.
Earlier this year I was asked to be a Keynote speaker at the Rewards and Benefits Summit.
Initially, the conference was to be held in Lisbon and I’d head out there to give my talk to kick off the conference.
I was absolutely delighted to have been invited, with previous speakers including actually famous people like Lord Seb Coe and people that had climbed huge mountains alone or survived near death experiences and life events alike.
When I was asked, I was shocked and happy and whilst I kept it cool, on the inside there was a small part of me asking; “Who? Me?”
At the time, I said I’d push myself to do something I’d not done before, to say something I’ve not said before.
I didn’t want to just reel off the old panic attacks and failed startup story again, I wanted to say something different.
I wanted to show up and just be. Just be in the moment. Hardly prepare for it, just be, because that’s what’s hard, in life, in the workplace, in relationships. It is for me anyway.
What I find hard is just being, just being me. I find it hard being honest, I find it hard being in the present moment, I find it hard expressing all the different parts of me. I find it hard asking for what I want, I find it hard to ask for help, I find it hard listening to others. I find just being hard.
And I believe many of us do too, especially at work, because work often makes it hard.
So I didn’t really know what that meant 12 months ago, but I knew I was going to rock up in Lisbon and I was just going to be. I was going to be myself and talk about how hard being yourself at work is and why it’s important.
COVID hit and the conference got rescheduled three times and honestly every single time I was delighted, I wasn’t ready, I was relieved each time, because I just did not feel ready to give this talk.
I was pretty unhappy at the time, I wasn’t really enjoying my job as CEO and I was just a bit all over the place, so I didn’t know how I’d turn up. And I felt so scared to represent Sanctus and show up like an absolute mess.
However, last week, I got the chance to deliver this talk, virtually from the comfort and safety of my own home.
And, after a 9 month stall, I did feel comfortable to show up in the way I wanted to. I hardly had a script, I just spoke from the heart and afterwards I could hardly even remember what I said.
I just wanted to be there, I wanted to bring of much of me there as possible, all the different sides of me, all the different feelings and emotions I’m experiencing and that we all experience every day.
I did that and it’s the rawest, weirdest, most honest talk I’ve ever given and delivering it virtually was scary because I couldn’t get that instantaneous feedback from body language or connection with an audience that you might normally get.
It was well received and people really valued my honesty and showing up in the way I did.
It was an important message to send, because my experience of not being able to be myself at work is that my mental health is impacted and I’m massively limiting myself and my potential.
And, I really believe there are so many people feeling the same was as I did/do on that talk, we can’t all say it though. Fortunately I can and I believe it’s so important for us to create safe environments where all those different parts of us can be, especially at work.
Too many people feel like they have to shut their humanity off at work, or pretend to be someone they’re not, or just show a tiny slither of who they are.
It’s not the way I want to be and it’s not the way I want work to be either.
Sharing this talk now feels messy and scary, but humans are messy and scared. I’m a mess and scared, sometimes, that’s part of being a human.
For me, this talk is how it is and I’m saying it how it is and trying to show all my humanity whilst I’m there.
I have absolutely no idea if you’ll watch this and if you do, if you’ll resonate at all, I’d love to know.
James x
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I'm doing mental health talks in businesses and all the money is going to Charity - get in touch if you're interested.