#139: Book deal!

Today I’ve got something to share that’s worth celebrating and I am excited about. 

Last week I signed a book deal with Penguin to write a book on mental health at work!

I shared this last week on social media (and got a mad response which was nice), however I’m going to write more here to you guys as I realised how much of a big part of my writing experience to date has come from writing 139 of these newsletters. 

It’s a little surreal, I’ve even joined a couple of writing communities and have been accepted in the Society of Authors, so I’m tentatively letting myself believe I’m actually a writer and will be a published Authour. Even though I’m still not sure how to spell Authour.

Everyone around me, family, friends etc have been delighted and seeing the reactions of others has been gratifying.

Yet I’ll be honest I haven’t really felt anything since actually signing the book deal, rather than allow myself a moment’s celebration to taste, I quickly moved into; “how am I going to actually write this in time?” and “will it actually be any good?"

I had an initial wave of imposter syndrome around credibility. age and experience. I’m really conscious of my age in writing this book. I’ll be 30 when it’s published and whilst I’ve always dreamed of writing a book I imagined i’d be more like 40 when it actually happened. 

The wave of nausea I had about credibility in terms of my mental health experience soon passed as I started tapping the first few words, because I see my role not to be an expert, Dr or Guru, but to be a storyteller and simply share the vast experience I’ve gained in 4 years of Sanctus. 

Actually writing the book in time is more of a real concern, I’m balancing writing it with my full time role with Sanctus and I have a lot more to share there about how things have been changing for me and the team.

One of the main reasons I’ve not been able to write regularly in this newsletter is ironically that I’ve been stressed and not felt great, I’ve not felt set up to be able to share authentically on a regular basis when Sanctus is such a big part of my life, I’ll have more to say on that soon. 

Writing this is helping me to tap into actually feeling excited, I’m writing a book! With Penguin!

What feels the most rewarding is to be recognised. What I’ve been doing for the last 4 years has been hard and exhausting and many times I’ve felt like I’m shouting into an empty room where nobody can hear me. Signing this book deal has felt a like a landmark for others to see me against and recognise all the work I’ve done with Sanctus, that feels good. 

I don’t have much more to say, other than that I’m glad to be sharing this news here with you in a real way. I’m looking out of my window now at a tree and the blue sky and it looks still, I feel still. 

As I’ve said on repeat for 2 years, I hope to write more and begin sharing my story and journey openly again. I won’t say I’ll do that, only that I’d like to. 

Thanks,

James x