#127: I've written a book
That was quick, I know.
Let me explain.
Since I last wrote to you about my idea for a book, I’ve broken my promise to write weekly in this newsletter.
Truth is, after I wrote the newsletter telling you all about my idea for “Jack’s Journal” (8,000 words in by the way), I felt a huge pang of shame and guilt.
I suddenly felt stupid for even thinking I could do this whilst running a business.
I suddenly started reading what I’d written and thought how utterly awful it is.
I suddenly questioned myself and thought; “who the hell do you think you are mate?”
I eventually talked myself down from the mental cliff I was about to jump off and started reading the 100+ replies I got from all of you.
Every person saying; "go for it", "write it", "this has to exist."
What struck me is that a lot of people misread my post (or I misinformed them) and thought I meant I’d publish my own journal - more like a memoir - like me sharing the real thing.
The people close to me have also challenged me on this too.
“Why Jack?”
“What about James?” “Can’t it be your journal - your childhood experiences.”
Maybe it can, although the thought of that fills me with even more dread and peril.
As I continued to reflect and talk to those around me, I realised that I’ve actually already written a book.
I’ve been writing one for 3 years since I first wrote about my mental health in a journal I picked up.
I’ve written in this newsletter, in my own journals, in blog posts, on social media - I’ve written journal entries, articles, essays, poems and even some weird drawings too.
I’ve already written a book.
I’ve been writing one for 3 years.
It’s right there in front of my eyes.
It’s my experience of going from never feeling, never talking; to learning to feel and learning to articulate how I feel.
All I have to do is to sew it together.
To take all of it and put it into one place.
The newsletters shared to you, the journal entries written late at night, the poetry jotted down with me not knowing where this is pouring from, the drawings that look terrible but tell a story better than words - put them altogether in a collection and share them with the world.
Because together, they are my experience of mental health - raw, uncensored and real. They are me.
They aren’t another self-help book that tells you how to live your life, or “how to mental health.”
They’re the real thing, warts and all.
I believe sharing this would be powerful and I want to do it.
I believe sharing this would be the most honest way I could genuinely share what mental health has been like for me - from start to...now.
I want to put all of this together in one collection. To make it into one story from not having a fucking clue what mental health is all the way to some level of acceptance and peace.
Jack can come later. I want to start with James first.
I’m scared as I write, I’ve said one thing and now another - “what will people think of me!”
Yet here it is, it’s written and I want to share it all - some stuff you may have seen before - some that nobody has ever ever seen and a lot that I thought nobody would ever ever see.
Now the real question is...
If the book is already written.
Would you like it?
If 100 people on this newsletter say that they’d be willing to pay for it. I’ll start a kickstarter and do it.
If you’re with me, let me know.
I’ll take any response as a yes :)
Shit, Ok. I am doing this.