#122: Today, I am 10,110 days old
For the last 30 days I have written down how many days old I am.
One night lying in bed, a random thought popped into my head, where I wondered; “How many days have I been alive?"
Since then I’ve written it down, morning and night.
“Today, I am 10,110 days old."
My reasoning is that I want to remind myself that today, this moment, right here and now is the first time I’ve ever been here.
I do it to remind myself that I have never ever lived my 10,110th day before.
It’s not so much of a “live fast, die young” approach or the typical: “Make it count!” “Hustle hard!” “Carpe diem"
It serves to drag me into the present and to prime myself to live today with the same awe and wonder as if I was seeing the world for the first time.
Since in many ways, every single day I am. This is the first time I’ve ever sat down at 19.05 on a Sunday night in February 2019 to write my newsletter. I have literally never experienced this exact moment before, this is new and it’s special.
Ok, it might not be that special. Just had fajitas for tea.
It’s part of an ongoing commitment to being present, to just being here and trying really hard to accept and embrace what is actually going on in my life.
I have spent so so long searching and seeking something else.
Something that isn’t here and now, something that is something else or somewhere else.
I’ve spent a long time longing to be someone else. Someone better, stronger, faster and more successful.
Or I could just be me?
I could just accept that it’s my 10,110 day birthday and this is me.
Wearing a dirty green WhatsApp t-shirt, some umbro football shorts and about to tuck into a Gu pot (fabulous).
The hilariously paradoxical and ironic counter to all of this acceptance is that I’ve probably embraced more change in the last 30 days than I have in 2 years.
I’m trying new things, taking more risks and generally more content with myself.
Those voices in my head are still there, I chat to them sometimes, I listen to them too, but I also tell them to shut the hell up as well.
This. Counting my days, helps me be to be nobody other than myself.
It reminds me to just be.
That is all.
Find out how many days old you are. It's fun :)