#119
Last week I compiled a list of things that I’ve done/do for my mental health.
In this post, I want to highlight some of the things that have exceptionally impacted my mental health, but are often not sold, nor can they be bought.
They’re priceless.
These are the things that I hear people talk about more than anything else, but are not always so obviously or directly linked to mental health.
In my experience, these things are priceless and impact mental health in an immeasurable way.
One of my gripes with the mainstream conversation around mental health is that we are sold “tips and techniques” that we buy in the desire to “fix” our mental health.
Often, we as a consumer, want the easy way out and we want to be told exactly what we need to do to get better or improve ourselves.
This can be said for therapy, journalling, coaching, meditation, mindfulness and many other things that we buy or are sold to us in the mental health and “wellness” industry.
It’s how we buy them and it’s how they are sold.
Below, I’d like to list out some of the things that have hugely impacted my mental health, but are things that largely money cannot buy:
A loving, trusting and healthy relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner. Fair enough you can pay for gems on tinder and bumble, but no amount of money in the world can buy what you get from having someone in your life who completely gets you. Someone who you can be completely yourself with. Someone you can be vulnerable with. Someone who you can talk to in the dark of night about your deepest fears and darkest secrets. In my experience, having this person in my life has had an immeasurable impact on my life and my mental health. Money can’t buy this, it’s about hard work, pushing yourself to your edge and luck.
Purposeful work. Having a job where I feel a sense of a higher purpose in what I do is huge for me. I know I’m someone who identifies a lot with what I do, so making sure that “what I do” feels purposeful to me has had a remarkable impact on my mental health.
Shared values at work. Working somewhere that aligns to my values. I’ve felt a clash of values before at work and it literally made me feel sick. Feeling like the place I work didn't represent me and that I did not believe what they believed about how to treat people. It impacted my mental health negatively. Working in an environment where the company shares my values for how I see the world has a positive impact on my mental health and makes me feel safe and secure.
Belonging. Feeling like I belong. As far as I’m aware there is nowhere in the world you can buy this. Feeling like you have a home, like you belong to something, whether that’s a family, a friendship circle, a workplace. This one is big for me and it’s very hard to find, especially in London (my experience).
Mates. Having friends who get you, who love you, who’ll always be there for you and who want to see you do well. This one goes without saying, it’s big. The big thing about friends and relationships with friends is that you choose them (not like family), so you have a choice about who you are friends with and who you are not. Not easy choices to make, but you are rewarded with a big impact on your mental health.
Family. You don’t get to chose your family, so having a family you feel comfortable within, where you can be yourself, be open and be honest has a monumental impact on your mental health. If I’m honest, I always took my family for granted a little bit and as I get a bit older I’m realising how incredibly lucky I am.
Your boss. I don’t have a boss right now, but I know from previous experience that your relationship with your boss makes a huge difference to your mental health. A boss that is looking out for you, wants the best for you is rare and brilliant for you. A boss that wants to throw you under the bus, blame you and make you feel like you’re not good enough - not so good.
Hobbies/Passions. The only way I know how to say this is; having stuff in your life that you just love. That could be football, train spotting, chess, pole dancing, whatever - hobbies that light you up or subjects you get passionate about. I’ve struggled with this because work often takes up so much of me, yet having other areas of life that really feed your soul - that’s good for mental health.
I’m sure there are more and this isn’t exhaustive or scientific. This is just me and this is just my list and I’m sure others would add other things or maybe even disagree.
I’m glad to write this, because I’m sick of “tips” and “techniques” being sold as silver bullets to your mental health. “Just do this one thing every day” - it’s utter garbage.
Everything I wrote about in my last post has worked in some way for me, it’s helped me get a sense of perspective, or it’s raised my awareness or it’s helped me articulate how I feel.
Yet, the list above has impacted my mental health more than anything, the list above is the work, that’s where it gets hard, get’s sticky and it’s the stuff we might want to run away from.
Yet, in my life, the list above has been what’s provided the richness, the excitement and it’s what’s made me feel the most alive.
James x