I’m going all in on publishing Jack the Lad and it feels great.
When I came back from France in June I made the commitment to “be myself every day”
The best manifestation of this intention is Jack the Lad, the fiction novel (Bridget Jones’s Diary for Men) that I have been working on, on and off, for 3 years now.
This book is ‘me’ and I don’t mean the story. I mean the process and act of writing itself. A book - long and deep. An imagined story created from thin air. The content - mental health, grief and the dark underbelly of lad culture.
All of this, is me. Writing a book like this and bringing it to the world is very “me” and this feels great.
Truly, for the first time in a long while, I feel as though I am being consistently James.
A few months ago, when Xander was even younger and sleep or downtime was in rare supply, I had a bath. It was probably one of the first moments in 3 months I had been able to pause. I’d been holding a little sprout in my arms, my son. This beautiful human mess that would grow into a toddler, a child, a teenager and then adult. I imagined the conversations I might have with him one day when he’s older, I hope when he might confide in me about his choices. I hope that he’ll have the confidence and belief to follow whatever his dreams may be. I imagined myself telling him this, to be brave and to make whatever choice lay in front of him. Then I imagined myself backing my advice up with a personal experience.
“Like I did…”
In that moment melting in the bath I honestly asked myself if I was living in integrity. If I was following my dreams and in the short moment I had to come back to myself the voice I’d heard so many times returned:
“Write that book James”
The voice isn’t like the other voices. It’s not a voice that worries about money. It’s not a voice that worries about status or success. It’s not even a voice that is attached to a particular outcome.
It’s a voice that has no backing, no data, no proof, but it’s a voice that has a conviction because it comes from a black place inside my stomach. It’s a voice I believe to be “the truth”
Since then I made a commitment to get myself in a position where I could write this book and turn my full attention to it, then bring it to the world.
This is where I currently am.
I’ve worked through the edits from my editor, I have an 87,481 word manuscript that I am happy with. I have written something that I am proud of. It’s with beta readers. I’m hiring a copy-editor, proof reader and book cover designer.
I have the conviction that I must self-publish. I know in my heart and in my soul that I must share this book with the world and I must diligently execute on my own plan to bring it to life, not outsource my success, or power, to a publisher.
I have written a lot about the unknown, about the fear of stepping into it. I am fully in it now. Yet strangely, I feel more certain than before. Before, the unknown was a portal I was scared to walk through. Now I have opened the gate and walked through I can actually see a path ahead. I have clear tasks, I’m not actually lost.
What I actually feel is risk and this makes my heart dance. I have turned off most of my stable coaching/consulting revenue and I am spending my time writing a fiction novel for men. Barmy. But I feel alive. As I type I am smiling. This is it for me. This is life. I feel happiness in my chest. I even feel a tad cheeky.
I know I am fully inside the unknown because the horizon I am walking towards is a place I’ve never been to before and I don’t know what is on the other side.
What I can see clearly are the steps to launch the book and a clear launch plan that I must execute to give my book the greatest chance of reaching many people. This is my marathon.
When I have done all of those tasks, I will have reached the finish line and after the finish line I can’t see what will happen.
A flop and tumbleweed as a handful of my mates buy it and leave good reviews because I asked them to?
It does ok, but after it’s out I’m again left with no clear idea of “what’s next?”
Some other random opportunity emerges that I cannot foresee
A global best seller turned into a film or Netflix TV series
I care what happens afterwards. My heart holds hope that it might do really well, that I might hit a nerve and tap into the public consciousness that exists in the popular conversation around men and masculinity.
I hold this hope warmly in my heart, with no shame around it. I can say with honesty that I want this book to reach great heights.
It’s a bit like holding a balloon. If I have to let it go, I will and I’d be sad to see it float off.
I will control what I can and after that, what will be will be - I trust that life, or god, or nature or providence will give me the next step on my path and it’ll all make sense.
It’s book time and it does feel really really good.
Cheers,
James x
I’m really looking forward to being able to buy and read Jack the Lad. So pleased to read that you’ve made the decision to focus on getting it published. x