#265: It's OK not to know.
It might even be a good thing.
Yesterday morning I spoke to 300 sixth form students, aged 16 - 18.
Putting the talk together, I thought to myself; “what would I have wanted to hear at this age?”
At 16 I was clueless about what I wanted to do with my life. And that question. It felt SO big.
“What do I want to do with my life?” I’m 33 and I can’t answer that.
I remember the pressure. The pressure to know. The pressure to get it right. The pressure to please. The pressure to not fail. I was changing quickly. Mates, interests, puppy love and then I was being asked to make decisions about “my future” - it was a lot.
What’s the one thing I’d have wanted to hear?
“It’s OK not to know”
At 18 I didn’t get into the Uni I wanted. It was a good thing. It allowed me to admit that I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I’d only picked Economics with French at Nottingham, because I felt like I should. I felt like I needed to know.
I didn’t know long term, but I knew that I wanted a year out. Working full time at KFC and going travelling to Vietnam - that became the next step.
Even at University, studying History and Politics at Sheffield. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t know what job or career I wanted. I tried things. Joined the OTC. Met George, Nabil and Stephan - started a company.
Even building my first business, matchchat. I still didn’t know. My first mistake was that I did know what I was doing wasn’t right for me, I was too scared to admit it.
It’s ok not know.
It’s not ok, not to admit it to yourself, or others.
At 25 I ran off to Bali in the wake of that failed business. A university drop out with a failed startup under my belt. I was lost and confused and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was running away from that.
It didn’t feel OK not to know.
I followed something. Wrote a post about mental health in startups. I didn’t know why, or what I wanted. I just knew that writing that post felt right - just like going to Vietnam felt right, studying in Sheffield felt right, shutting down my company felt right. I followed something.
That led to a wild ride with Sanctus. Building that company, I actually felt like I was doing something I wanted to do. That felt good. For the first time in my life I was actually doing something that I felt like I could do for the “rest of my life”
That changed too. I started to hear that voice again. “I don’t know what I want to do, I just know that this probably isn’t it.” That itch came back. Not again! I don’t want to scratch it. I’ve always found it easier to know what I don’t want to do than I have to know exactly what I do want to do.
I listened to that voice and stepped into the space of not knowing again. A mission in Stoke emerged. The university drop out got to write a Masters in Entrepreneurship course and teach at a University as an Entrepreneur in Residence. The team leader at KFC got to write a book with Penguin about Mental Health at Work. The kid that once joked about being a journalist and owning an Audi TT, started a regional news outlet whilst driving a ford fiesta.
I stood in front of 300 wide eyed 6th form students, with a question mark on my slides. I’m 33 and I still don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.
It’s OK not to know.
‘Knowing’ has got to be one of the biggest myths we trick ourselves into believing. We obsess over the known. We search for it. Crave it. Pine for it. Need it. John O’Donohue calls it the “neon light” of our modern life. We have to shine our hospital lights on everything don’t we? What about the candlelit world of the soul? Where shadow and darkness prevail? What about shining a lantern into dark corners? The unknown is far greater than the known.
I wish somebody had put their hand on my shoulder at 17 and said James; “It’s OK not to know.” I’d have smiled and said, “yeah I don’t really know what I want to do.”
Perhaps they might have asked me smaller, more manageable questions; “What next? What interests you?”
This lesson feels important for me now. More important than ever perhaps as the pressures of adult life make me feel as though I need to have my life planned out. Gantt chart style.
It’s ok not to know. For a curious audience, I might even go as far as saying, it’s really good not to know. In the unknown there is opportunity and adventure. Imagine a powerful torch shining out across a dark night. You can only see what’s in the ray of the torchlight. What’s beyond that? Think of all that you cannot see. Limitless. Infinite. Unknown.
The students thought I was talking to them. They thought I was relaying what I’ve learned for their benefit.
Honestly, I stood up there and I gave myself the reminder I needed to hear.
It’s OK not to know.
Cheers,
James x
p.s this week I launched Founder Coaching. I’m partnering with mission-led founders to help them grow and enjoy the ride.
p.p.s shout out Julien my first paid subscriber, thanks for supporting my writing and I hope you enjoy the additional posts.