#263: Wind in my sails

Listening to where life wants me to go. Following the pull.

I’m feeling some wind in my sails.

At the start of January, I was in the doldrums.

A place where sailors die, a place of unnerving calm where there is no wind to move you along your journey, or storms that can upend you. That’s where I was.

I had some of my lowest ever days in January. Days where I sat in my office, a room that was supposed to be our baby’s nursery, bent forwards and put my forehead on the desk. I got off my desk chair and lay on the floor.

(When I’m feeling low I actually find it quite cathartic to literally lie on the floor. It’s grounding and the only way is up. It’s good to express that low-ness, rather than resist it)

The grief is one thing, but the complete unknown is the other. After writing on LinkedIn, reaching out to people, having conversations with peers and whatever else appeared on my to-do list that day - I’d stare into the endless abyss of my monitor. Watching the lines of the Matrix spin by.

The anchor I have inside me says “keep going” and “discover through doing”. Endless self-reflection won’t achieve anything. Following my curiosity helps me to become closer to “whatever is next”.

These are the sails I have had up to the wind. Writing, connecting, exploring - showing up every day and seeing where I feel energy in myself and from others.

I don’t even really know where I want to go, I just know I’d like to move forward from where I am. I’m sailing. I need the wind to take me. I have to follow those external forces. I can’t magic some movement. I can’t summon up some demand. I have to follow the signs, follow the wind.

I’m asking myself different questions. Rather than the more individualistic and isolating questions of “what do I want to do?” I’m calling on something else.

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#261:The questions I'm asking

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With this telescope, creativity is as much about listening, feeling and sensing as it is “doing”. Art forms that we don’t give enough attention to. I’ve been listening to where I feel wind in my sails.

That wind is coming in unexpected places. In writing about my experience as a founder with Sanctus, building a business, growing one and selling one - I’ve been resonating with a lot of startup founders. LinkedIn DMs from curious founders saying “your writing resonates, thank you” - a gust of wind.

I’m raising the sails a little higher in that direction. More writing about my startup experiences to come and I’m building out a Founder Coaching proposition too. I’ve shared this with others and had good feedback already; “this makes sense for you, it reads well and the proposition looks good” - more wind, is this gust getting stronger?

Writing is a practice that I can consistently rely on. More recently, I’ve had remarks about my writing itself, not just the stories, but how I write and how people connect to that. Friends or readers who message me and say “mate, keep writing” or “I cry every time I read your posts” (a compliment I think).

Ah, it feels good to have a little bit of wind in the sails.

I feel it in my body. I feel it on my face. It’s a spark that rises from my gut and turns into a smile. It’s my fingers reaching to open my laptop and make something, without me even thinking. It’s when “work” feels easy. It’s energy from another person, willing me on. Sometimes, it’s strong - you can feel it pushing you on from behind. Other times, it’s a gentle breeze brushing your face.

I’ve decided that I want to write more too. More than one newsletter per week. I want to share more of me. What I read, the questions I ask, the poems I write, the stories I tell. I am taking writing more seriously than ever. I’ve created a paid membership option, you’ll notice some of the linked posts are for paid members. If people want an extra newsletter per week; book reviews, coaching questions, stories, poetry and whatever else I decide to write - that’s £8 a month. It feels good. Simple. I’m not thinking too much - just making - following the wind.

My fingers are quickly patting on this keypad, always a good sign - wind in the sails.

These gusts are not prolonged. They’re not driving winds taking me to the Caribbean. I’m still in the doldrums closer to the edges though, on my way out.

When I don’t feel wind in my sails, I’m called to not really do too much which feels counter intuitive. Relax, rest, finish early - don’t over work. That’s hard because the story ingrained in me tells me to work 12 hours a day, hustle hard and make it happen. Yet in the pit of my belly a seed is growing in me that says a gentler, slower pace will bear more fruit for my health and wealth. I’m learning to listen to that and work at a different frequency.

I’m being guided by the natural rhythms of nature and life. I’m deciding to be rooted here, grounded in the Celtic approach I’m learning about in this book. I refuse to be guided by the stale, neon light of social media.

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#262: A book of blessings

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And just like that, the wind has died down again. I’ve come to a standstill. The sea lapping around me in the middle of the Ocean. No landmarks visible yet - I don’t know where I am. I could stress out that I’m not moving forward again. I could frantically keep rowing.

The sea will have her way with me though and the wind will tell me when it’s time to put my sail up.

Time to kick back and admire the view.

James x

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p.s follow these links for more writing on this week’s book and coaching question ✍🏼