#242: Here we go again

Starting again, for the third time.

*Takes deep breath and exhales loudly* 

Here we go again.

At the start of this year I said to myself that I’d probably create something new and that I probably didn’t know what it would be and that was OK. 

I needed to be open and welcome the unknown and not try to control or predict what it might be. 

When it comes to creating new things I feel a bit wiser now. I remember the year when I started Sanctus, at the start of that year I had little interest in mental health. 

In the space of 5 months I’d started to have my own mental health issues, I’d written a public blog post about those, I’d created a brand, got some financial backing, quit my job and gone full time on Sanctus. 

In the back of my mind, at the start of this year I knew that the same thing could happen. 

That’s why 8 weeks ago, when I spent three days locked upstairs in the house creating a Substack for an independent newspaper in Stoke and Staffordshire, I knew it felt right. 

Creating The Knot feels right. 

I had a couple of conversations and suddenly the idea was staring me in the face and my urge to create a version one was unrelenting, I had to do it, immediately. 

For those of you that know this creative urge, you’ll know that when it hits, you have to ride that wave. 

This is the feeling I’ve been waiting for, for almost two years. Last year I got a real reward and purpose in writing and delivering a MSc Entrepreneurship course. Yet I’ve been pining for something more and I know that The Knot is it. 

I feel like I’ve dropped onto something that suits my interests and my strengths. Plus, after lots of reflection on the Sanctus journey, when I look back at what I did really right, it was media. We created a great product in Sanctus Coaching, yet my real insight and differentiator was our ability to tell stories and talk about mental health in a refreshing tone of voice. 

With The Knot, I’ve got a mission around Stoke-on-Trent and Staffordshire regeneration and then the product aligns to my ability to write, create content and tell stories. 

Bingo. 

I’m now sitting in the messy anxiety of “what on earth will this become and how on earth will it pay the bills?”

The honest answer is “I’ve got a few ideas, all untested and truly I don’t know yet”

I notice how much I’ll get in my head trying to control the imaginary future, playing out scenarios or dreaming up some business model. 

All I can do at this stage is be intentional about what I want for myself and what I want for the mission and then experiment. That is literally it. Any other form of control or anything written down in a business plan or a pitch deck is nonsense at this stage. 

There’s not a lot I want to do differently at first. I started Sanctus well. Quickly and organically, it was sustainable and dynamic fast. 

Yet where I maybe messed up a bit was my intentions and what I truly wanted for myself. I just didn’t know at 25. I was naive about money and the lifestyle I might want, in a good way, I was just mission obsessed. I hadn’t done all the therapy to understand my shadow side and my ego.

This time, a bit older and a bit wiser. Married with a mortgage and thinking about the future. I feel like I’ve got a clearer idea of what I want and how I want The Knot to support my life. 

The left side of the  brain is easy. I want purpose, fulfilment, meaning and I want to do work that really matters to the world. I want to make the world a better place, fair, more equal and anything I do must have a social slant that impacts and helps people. I want to be creative, I want to write, I want to be on screen and I don’t want to manage a big team or be an operator. Tick. 

For the right side of the brain, I want to create a business that pays me well for work I enjoy (writing, creating, storytelling) with only a small freelance team. I only want to focus on Stoke and Staffordshire. I’m uninterested in national scale currently. I want to serve this community. From that I can plan out a revenue goal that is modest and doesn’t need millions in venture capital funding, nor does it warrant external investment.

I don’t need to create something huge. I want to create a media outlet that can reach hundreds of thousands of people in one region. That’s still big, but the “business” I’d need to create to do that doesn’t need to be. I don’t need to make millions or sell for millions, maybe in a few years I’ll be interested in that. For now I just want to create something that works for me and sustains an important mission and quality media service for people here.

My final lesson. Never say never. I won’t say what I’ll never do yet, because it’s too early. I’ve already made the mistake of saying I’ll never sell ads, which is stupid, because it might be the best way to monetise. Saying never at this stage is silly. It closes doors that it’s ok for you to peer through. 

And just like that I’ve created something that is now mostly what I think about. I didn’t know I’d be making it at the start of the year, now it’s a big part of my life and I hope it will be for a while. 

I love this game. It’s magic how you can create things that didn’t exist and bring them to life in the world for people to use and enjoy. I feel so lucky that I get to do this. 

Writing this felt normal, I feel at home when I’m writing about something I’m building. I feel at home having something that’s mine. I feel more myself when I’m on a mission, I feel complete. 

That feels really really good to say.

Here we go again.

Wish me luck. 

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Oh and of course if you live in Stoke-on-Trent or Staffordshire or know anyone that does, please sign up to The Knot. Cheers!