#241: Final newsletter on Sanctus

A thank you to those that supported me all the way.

In 2016 I created a brand called Sanctus and set out on a mission to “change the perceptions of mental health”, to “make mental health cool” and envision a world where we “treat our mental health like we do our physical health.” 

Eight years on and I am now completely leaving Sanctus. At the end of this month, I’ll have no further involvement. 

8 years. 100s of customers. 1000s of articles. 100s of talks. 1 book. ~30/40/50 full time employees. ~30/50 coaches. Tens of thousands of coachees. An unquantifiable number of people’s lives impacted in a meaningful way. 

I’ve drawn a line in the sand on Sanctus multiple times in the last three years. It’s been a drawn out process for me. If I’m totally honest I wouldn’t repeat it. It’s been like sand draining through an hourglass, even when you can’t see the last grains of sand falling, it’s still not over. It is now. 

If I were to do it again, I’d have a clearer ending. One that created more clarity for me and for others. I’ve learned a lot and one of those things is that you can’t be half-in a company, especially as a founder. If you’re half in, you’re out. Don’t avoid the difficult feelings or conversations, don’t cling on, let go, completely. 

On a personal level, Sanctus has done exactly what Sanctus does well. It’s brought me home. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Thanks to Sanctus I feel better than ever and I’m in a better place than ever. 

My actual involvement with Sanctus for the last two years hasn’t been my favourite. It’s been painful to sit on the sidelines and be a spectator. Turning up to board meetings, having an opinion but not the power and conviction to be the one to go and act on it. I now know more than ever that in the arena is where I’m meant to be, not as a spectator. 

I’ve done a lot of reflection on Sanctus. Honestly, I can’t do any more. Analysis, thinking, writing, talking it through. I’m empty of all feelings now. Ups, downs, wins, losses, pride, regret, success, failure. I’ve assessed it all a million times over and that has to stop now too. Now, I need to take those learnings from the past and bring them into my present. 

I think for a while I was hoping I could salvage or repent on things that didn’t go quite right, that I’d get to have a judgement day where I could say “ah ha, told you so! I have righted all of those wrongs”. I realise now, that won’t happen. You can’t rescue yourself from the past, the honest truth is that I must now live with the tension of what’s gone before me. 

I know that sounds a bit abstract, I’m not avoiding saying anything. It just means I can’t fix the past and “what could have been” - all I can do is live in the tension with mistakes that I made or things that didn’t pan out exactly how I’d have liked them too. 

It feels very right, writing about Sanctus here, because this newsletter was one of the places Sanctus was born. For many years this newsletter was actually called the Sanctus newsletter, until I began to separate James from Sanctus. That sums up a lot of the pain in the Sanctus journey for me, the attachment, the entanglement - yet my personality, my heart and my soul in Sanctus also created such love and beauty too. 

As a Founder I now get to sit with all the pleasure and all the pain. The pleasure; the platform Sanctus has given to me, the experience, the connections, the joy, the pride and the memories. The pain; the mistakes, the failures and the relationships that are lost, faded or broken as a result. 

If you choose to do hard things, like start a company, you can’t have it all. You can’t be liked by everyone and disrupt an industry. You can’t try to be friends with all your employees and then attempt to manage their performance. You have to be willing to make promises and break them. You even have to be willing to betray what you once said, or who you once were. That’s the reality of being in the arena, that’s the risk we take. 

For me now, that final grain of sand has fallen through the hourglass and my time with Sanctus is officially over. 

True to form I’ve ended up writing a long missive about me, when really I opened the page up to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who were there right at the beginning. The silent supporters, the people clapping from the sidelines. Those that gave a LinkedIn status a like, or signed up to an event, bought a t-shirt, became a customer, reached out to say something, shared some feedback, said “thank you”. That’s everything. Those nuggets are everything. They fuelled me, they fuelled us, they made it all worth it. Collectively they helped make it possible. 

Now. I’ll take a breath and go for a walk. Not a long one if I’m honest. If anything I’ve got a lot of pent up energy and I’m ready to go again. 

It feels good to write a final note to say thank you to all of you that were part of supporting me and Sanctus in some way. I want you to know that your support hasn’t gone unnoticed. 

That’s that on this one. I’ve got one final quote left in my head, before I go out for that morning walk. 

“Fail we may. Sail we must.”

Cheers,

James x