#229: Just showing up
I didn’t have a great day yesterday
I didn’t get much done.
I couldn’t write.
Wrote 1,000 words.
Read them back, felt angry because it just wasn’t right.
Felt bored at writing the same old stuff.
“James you wrote about pointlessness two weeks ago.”
I procrastinated with tasks.
I avoided responding to emails that would have taken 5 minutes.
Annoyed.
The day came, and went.
I felt like I’d missed a day of opportunity, a day I won’t get back.
“I’ve achieved nothing”
“What a waste, what’s the point.”
The hole in the floor emerged and I was about to fall down that well of negativity again.
All I could see was what I didn’t do.
I didn’t get out for a run, didn’t do 10,000 steps, I just tinkered, stood still, went in circles. Didn’t ‘move forward’
In the evening, we went to a concert.
As soon as the warm up act played her first note and spoke about how nervous she was, I felt a bit relieved.
I’d not had the best day, but I’ve been showing up.
I might not have felt like I could write anything with substance yesterday, but I tried. I showed up on the page, even if all I got was a messy first draft.
Sometimes, that’s all we can do.
Sometimes, all we’ve got is a messy first draft. Sometimes all we’ve got is mess.
We can show up day after day. Put one foot in front of another. Keep trying, keep creating, keep writing.
It’s easy to admonish hard work in the name of burnout and mental health. Yet there’s a balance and respect to be reserved for those willing to show up day after day, to keep creating music, keep performing, keep going.
There’s a respect for surrender, for rest, for stopping. Yet today I want to admire perseverance, admire persistence, admire the bravery of those people who just show up every day.
Today, I’m just showing up.
That’s enough.
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Writing
Who am I?
Writer, founder, husband, always tanned.
Wannabe poet, imposter, taboo buster.
Thinker, philosopher, not a drinker
Joker, chancer, bad dancer.
shoulder chipped Stokie
champagne hippie
Asks questions,
the big ones
best ones.
Always
asking
Who
am
I?