#224: I don't have a to do list
For the last 10 years, my life has been a list.
Send follow up Email to X
Check-in with Y
Book haircut
Call Mum and Dad
Submit meter readings
Gym 3x this week
Write newsletter
Create v1 pitch deck
Email 5 potential customers
I’ve had a to-do list for my life.
I’ve broken my whole life down into projects and tasks.
I’d been running off a long to-do list in the notes section on my phone called “Life”
The mega list was categorised into four main sections; Personal, Family, Business (Sanctus, Staffs), Writing (Newsletter, Jack the Lad, social media etc)
Within each sub category there would be various tasks to do, some immediate, some pending and some that I’d like to do in the future.
The list was an extension of my brain. The wild box of my head compartmentalised into notes on my phone like an overflowing filing cabinet or busy second hand bookshop.
I dared not forget anything. Any idea I had, any task I was scared I wouldn’t complete if not written down, was carved in stone on this list.
This list was the blueprint for my life, my bible, my operating manual.
When something new cropped up I would even write it down on the list just so I could cross it off again. Dopamine.
The list was never ever empty. I was never done. Never finished. Never complete.
Doing one task, meant more would be added on.
I noticed that I was scared of dropping the ball. Scared of forgetting about something. Scared of missing something.
I’d been fearful of missing a moment of inspiration. I worried that if I didn’t write down a crumb of fleeting genius, I’d lose it forever.
This master list enabled me to be highly productive and helped me get a lot done efficiently. Yet it was also emblematic of a state of anxiety.
I didn’t trust myself. Didn’t trust myself to remember. Didn’t trust that if an idea was really important to me it would come back.
I was holding on tightly, afraid to let anything go. I was walking around with a shipping container of thoughts in my pocket.
I was spending time writing a list when I could just do the task in front of me.
respond to WhatsApp messages.
I could respond now, not later.
The list reflected a perpetual mode of worry and a state of living in the future.
The list was the work that would get done later, not now.
The list was what I needed to do tomorrow, not today.
A couple of months ago. I deleted the entire list.
All the ideas, all the things I should do, I could do, I might do.
Gone, deleted, caput, see ya.
Even now, I just let out a big exhale.
The list was like a weight, a constant more in my pocket, a constant never enough in my head.
Now, when something crops up, an action, a reminder, a thought. I either respond immediately to it’s pressing nature. Or I listen, I notice and move on. I trust myself, if it matters I’ll remember or I'll do it when the time is right.
I don’t live by the to-do list any more. I’m aiming to be more present, more in flow. To notice what work matters, to get stuff done now in the moment and not be carrying it around all day.
I still write the occasional today list on a piece of paper that’s categorised into Important/Urgent, Important/Not Urgent, Quick Wins and Not Actually Important
At the end of the day, whatever happens, whatever I get done, the list is crumpled up and thrown in the bin,
I’ve mentioned this approach to a few people recently and I’m met with shock as if I’m about to go on holiday without travel insurance.
“What?! What if you forget something? Don’t you worry you’ll drop the ball?”
I do, or I did. In a few months of living and working like this though I’ve dropped nothing, I’ve missed nothing. I'm smiling more.
I’ve been really in flow. I’ve been responding in the moment, I’ve been opportunistic and I’ve been able to have my head up and out, looking out into the world, listening, involved, engaging.
I feel excited and happy. Free. I’m not carrying a frown, not carrying all the things I could or should do in my head or in my pocket.
edit newsletter
schedule newsletter
respond to newsletter emails
Cheers,
James x
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Who am I?
Writer, founder, husband, always tanned.
Wannabe poet, imposter, taboo buster.
Thinker, philosopher, not a drinker
Joker, chancer, bad dancer.
shoulder chipped Stokie
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Asks questions,
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