#213: Home
I’m home.
One week before Christmas, Sarah and I moved into our first home together in Stone, Staffordshire.
I’ve not felt at “home” since I left my childhood home for University in Sheffield at 19.
For 12 years since then everywhere has felt impermanent, temporary.
I’ve felt at home with Sarah, with Sanctus, within myself.
Yet I couldn’t find sustained belonging in a place or an environment.
East, North, South, West I tried the full compass of London.
Putney Bridge felt close, yet something was missing. I didn’t belong there.
I thought it might be Lisbon for my next temporary move. I wondered, perhaps I’m not destined to root down in one place, perhaps this is me?
Then with the world as my oyster and 12 months in my mother-in-laws spare room, I couldn’t understand why I felt a longing to move “home” to the place that had always been home.
Where I grew up Stoke, Staffordshire.
A place that at 25 I couldn’t have wanted to be further a way from.
A place that in one way or another I often referenced in my mental health story. How I couldn’t express myself, how I couldn’t be myself, how the image of a man was narrow, toxic and felt like a straight jacket.
12 years on, a young man interested in feminism, mental health, sustainability, wearer of bright clothes, lover of poetry and many other creative eccentricities acquired in London and around the world and I want to move back to…. Stoke, Staffordshire, the West Midlands???
Stoke, the “yeah I passed it on the train once” place
Stoke, the “it’s a shithole” place
Stoke, the “man found in wheelie bin on spice” place
Stoke, one of the Brexit capitals of the country.
Stoke, the poster city for the UKs industrial and cultural decline
Stoke, where 1 in 30 kids are in care.
Yes, Stoke.
With the world as our oyster. I wanted to be here.
The reasons I just listed are some of the big reasons I want to be here.
I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot, achieved a lot. I could live anywhere and be a great addition to any community.
Yet I have a lot to give, why wouldn’t I give it here? Why wouldn’t I contribute my gifts to the place I’m from and a place I believe needs help?
I want purpose and I feel it here.
I can contribute to this area. I can give back. I can be a part of this county.
I want to belong and I feel that here.
I want to be around family too.
So many people run from family, I want to run towards it.
I want to be around family when it’s not easy. I want to be around family and be different and be my own man.
I want to be around family and not eat meat, drink less, share my views, get in a heated debate about Harry and Megan.
Family, friends and community is the playground where culture change happens.
Can I have an argument with a family member about gender equality?
Can I inspire a mate to open up about their mental health?
Yes and yes. Can I do that elsewhere? I can, but I want to do it here, with the people I love.
I can have enough here. A beautiful home and good quality of life for half the price of London. I don’t have to chase, I don’t have to search. I can slow down. I can be.
This move for me is about more than that though.
It’s about a way of living that I’ve wanted for a long time.
It’s about community.
I want to be part of a community. I want to help. Be helped. Give back. Contribute. I want to do it with friends, family, loved ones, those who’s lives I truly want to support.
And here I am.
Home.
At last.
Writing
TIP JAR
You can tip me for my writing, here's the Tip Jar
A response, comment or 'thanks' are warmly welcomed too.
Who am I?
Writer, founder, husband, always tanned.
Wannabe poet, imposter, taboo buster.
Thinker, philosopher, not a drinker
Joker, chancer, bad dancer.
shoulder chipped Stokie
champagne hippie
Asks questions,
the big ones
best ones.
Always
asking
Who
am
I?