#207: Love at work
I’m sitting outside 79 Degrees, a coffeeshop in Putney.
I’m accompanied by a Long Black which the barista tells me is the same as an Americano - I never knew.
Today I can’t write with an outcome or a newsletter title to fulfil.
I have to write from feeling first
I’m in London for the first time in a while, seeing the place with less judgement than I have before. I see the beauty and history and fragility as one. I’m more accepting.
I’m more accepting of that range of emotion within me.
I’m full up. Full up with connection, stimulation, ideas and love.
I’ve met Booksellers and Founders. I’ve chatted to strangers on the tube about chess and bored baristas with why it’s really called an Americano.
I met up with a group of the Sanctus community last night. Liam organised it as his leaving drinks.
There were three generations of the Sanctus family. People who joined in 2018 and left, Coaches who are still with us; people who’ve been let go, even people that had to be made redundant. People if I’m honest I thought didn’t like me; didn’t want to speak to me, that I might never see again.
Being reunited with everyone felt healing.
I felt proud of bringing together such a beautiful group of people.
I felt something much stronger too. Something so strong that it made how I’ve felt for the last 2 years make sense.
I felt love.
A company isn’t a family and that’s a mistake I’ve made. I didn’t acknowledge that a company is a company with a purpose first and community, friendship and belonging second. In that order. It’s always mission first.
A company is a community though and I created that. In a community you can have friendships, different relationships, anger, frustration, stress, tragedy and love.
I knew I loved Sanctus. I knew I loved the brand, the mission, the logo, the t-shirts.
As soon as I made the brand. I fell in love with the idea of it. The mission and what we stood for.
Yet I didn’t know I’d fall deeper in love with a group of people I’d never expected to meet.
I didn’t expect to feel love so painful that some days I couldn’t sleep at night or get out of bed in the morning.
I didn’t expect to care about individuals and find myself worrying about their welfare even after they left our company.
As I hugged people to say goodbye in the Owl and Pussycat last night I restrained myself from saying “love you” like I would to a close friend, family member or my Mum and Dad.
It’s not romantic love or familial love. It’s company love, community love, Sanctus love. A different type of love built up through time, with strangers you come to work with and know.
It’s real and strong.
I look at the many things lost in the trauma of Covid and shift to virtual working.
I see love blocked, love stopped.
I’ve finished my Long Black. Just the dregs at the end left.
No smart conclusion of pithy last line, I can’t think, I’ll only edit this with one quick look over for typos.
I’ve drained the cup. A circle has completed. It’s feelings like love and the strength of the emotions we all feel that made me want to start Sanctus in the first place.
These feelings that we all have, that sometimes we don’t let ourselves feel or feel like we can’t express. They’re worth fighting for.
Writing
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Who am I?
Writer, founder, husband, always tanned.
Wannabe poet, imposter, taboo buster.
Thinker, philosopher, not a drinker
Joker, chancer, bad dancer.
shoulder chipped Stokie
champagne hippie
Asks questions,
the big ones
best ones.
Always
asking
Who
am
I?