#204: Transitions
I’m in a big transition in my life.
I’ve left the company I started and I’m looking ahead to what’s next.
I’ve left London where I’ve lived for nearly 10 years and I’m looking to where next.
I’m no longer “Mr Mental Health” which has been the primary persona I’ve had for the last 6 years.
I’m in a big transition and I have no idea what I’m transitioning to.
I never realised that transitions are a thing, they are. They are the space between new chapters in our lives.
Between graduating University and a first job, from one job to the next, a career break, post-maternity leave, retirement, new job, new career, new house, new country, new location.
I’ve been in transition before. When I shut down my first business, I had a 6 month period that included some travelling and a full time job, yet on reflection I was in transition throughout that time, I just didn’t know it. It was so full of uncertainty that I was overwhelmed with panic and anxiety.
I’ve done some reading around transitions and spoken to other people who’ve spent time in these unfamiliar spaces and here are some of the conclusions I’ve come to.
It’s highly likely I’ll be in a transition again in my life. If I go on to create something else then I’ll probably do it for 5-7 years again before I want to move on and transition to something else.
This isn’t a holiday, this is a period of growth and discovery.
This isn’t easy, perfect and i don't have forever. I’ve not “made it” it’s not like I’m chilling on a beach in the Bahamas with gazillions in the bank. I’m going from one thing to another and I don’t know what that other thing is.
I need structure and discipline to make the most out of this period in my life.
This period is inherently lonely. Not many people start companies. Even less people get the company they start to a place where they can move on. There aren’t loads of people on the same path as me right now. Most people I know are in build phase, in steady jobs or building companies. I’m doing neither, it’s more isolating than usual.
I have no team. I made a call to move out on my own to uncover what’s next. Nobody is doing that with me. I have my tribe, Sarah and my support network, but nobody is creating with me. I’m on my own.
This is a life phase that I really have to pay attention to and consciously engage in, because if I don’t I either keep myself busy 60 hours a week or avoid engaging with life and slip into unhealthy habits like laziness, mindless media consumption and letting the days completely drift by.
I entered this period with a lot of anxiety and worry about what the next thing might be. For avid readers you’ll remember crazy talk was just a list of my ideas for a while, it was frenetic. I was nervous, I was over-thinking, I needed to figure out what I was going to do next and I was massively trying to control my life.
More space and time is a gift, privilege, luxury. It’s an absolute dream not needing to set an alarm most mornings. Yet unless I’m intentional about my days the space can be paralysing, I can just sit there with wild thoughts coming into my head, or the guilt and judgement can be overwhelming. I’ve lost days where I’ve felt bad for even being in this space, feeling so privileged I make myself feel sick or tell myself “I should be working” “I’ll never amount to anything” and “I am a failure”
For the first 6 weeks, I was a bit frantic, trying to figure out what’s next in my life and letting worry, doubt, guilt and judgement run rings around me.
I’ve learned already that I must let go of the outcome. I have to be totally unattached to “where I’ll end up” I have to surrender to the notion that I don’t know and I don’t want to know, This is the world I inhabit. I want to create. To create is to play with the unknown. This is the life I've chosen.
I’ve learned (or am learning) that the question “who am I?” doesn’t have to be a judgmental “you don’t know who you are!” or a frustrated “I don’t know who I am.” It can be a curious “who could I be?!”
I’m stripping back some of the beliefs that I need to work everything out, that I shouldn’t be here, that I should be doing something else and I’m just left sitting. I’m here, this is where I am. When I’m here I feel like I could be anything, I don’t know what I’ll do in 6 months and I don’t care to know, I’m excited by what it could be, I’m excited to meet the future.
What’s helped me get to this more supported “in-transition” place is structure, daily journaling, therapy, coaching, nature, wild swimming and reaching out to people who’ve travelled similar paths. Since I did all of the above, I feel so much better and I feel way more able to enjoy this transition with curiosity and no idea where I’ll end up.
Transitions are phases in our life that I’m not sure we pay much attention to. You could be in one now, I’ll bet you’ve been in one. I believe we must value them and enter into them too, if we are seeking change. I certainly believe that if we’re in one we must get the support we need to make the most out of it.
I’m left with a line from Captain Barbosa in the first Pirates of the Caribbean. “You better start believing ghost stories Ms Turner. You’re in one!”
Transitions aren’t ghost stories, they’re real. They can be scary, dark and confusing. I should know, I’m in one.
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Who am I?
Writer, founder, husband, always tanned.
Wannabe poet, imposter, taboo buster.
Thinker, philosopher, not a drinker
Joker, chancer, bad dancer.
shoulder chipped Stokie
champagne hippie
Asks questions,
the big ones
best ones.
Always
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