#193: Burnout
I have been 'burned out'.
I have lived with burnout.
I believe, they are two different things.
Being ‘burned out’ to me, is an end state, it’s collapsing at the end of a race, it’s a state of absolute rock bottom, something is over. You are done.
After I shut down my first company at 25, I was burned out. I hit rock bottom. I was low, anxious and having panic attacks.
This thing that we’re all calling burnout though, in my opinion, is different.
It’s a process. An unsustainable way of living and working that produces a consistent state of unhealthy being. That is described as burnout.
That state of being can be many things. Stress, anxiety, physical fatigue, exhaustion. The state of being is essentially poor mental health health, yet the way of living and working is the burnout creating this end-state.
When I hit rock bottom and was burned out, I was at the end of a finish line in my life. I was low, but I was able to recuperate, work out what had happened and what was next.
When I’ve been in burnout though, it’s more complex. Burnout to me is...
Like drinking lots of water and still feeling thirsty.
Sleeping a lot and still feeling tired.
Doing everything you can to feel good and still not feeling good.
Exhaustion, challenge. It’s relentless, it’s constant.
An engine surviving on little fuel.
A relationship with a system that asks for more than you can give.
Often, a city thing. Often, a work thing.
It’s a relationship to an environment that is both burning you out and/or allowing you to burn yourself out within it.
What I like about the phrase burnout is that it alludes to a system. A workplace perhaps, capitalism maybe, the culture of a city even. Burnout, opposed to other terms that could be used, like depression, speaks to a system, an engine, a machine that we’re operating within.
Burnout shows the link between us and our environment. A toxic workplace culture burns people out. It bullies people into over-working, manipulates people into never saying no, encourages working long hours for little reward and isn’t honest about their expectations of people.
The environment or culture is just one part of the puzzle though. Burnout can be self-inflicted, just as it can environment-induced. A people pleasing mentality, an allergy to saying no, a deep-seated desire to prove worth or a low self-esteem. All personal responsibilities that can lead you blindfolded into burnout.
I was in burnout for years.
The founder of my own company with total control to work when I want, where I want. Yet still I pushed myself to breaking points over and over again.
The body kept the score, always. Ill at Christmas. A sniffle on holiday. “You will rest” my body pleaded to me.
Yet, I had the powerful influences of my environment.
A startup ecosystem that celebrates more, faster and younger than ever.
A mental health market that is desperately scarce.
A mental health crises where nothing is ever enough.
A London-working culture where 12 hours days and Thirsty Thursdays to Sundays is the norm.
A London housing market where I’d never afford to buy a home.
I had my own demons burning me out, yet I was in a system that allowed, and even celebrated, burnout.
I fear in many environments that a culture of burnout has become the de facto way of being.
I see people alluding to burnout, always in a state of burnout, constantly talking about burnout. I don’t see much change.
What I fear is that we’re normalising burnout as a way of being and working. What I notice is that people who are in the midst of burnout surround themselves with others living the same way, for the comfort of knowing they’re not alone. I know it, I’ve done it. Yet it can act as a mask, a way of validating everyone’s experience as ok and a signal to keep going.
What I don’t hear as much of is people admitting they want it to stop? I see a sigh, a “it is what it is”, a stereotypical “sometimes you just have to keep going”
Yes, sometimes, we do have to just keep going. Not always though, and not everyone, all the time, forever.
I held my hands up and they’re still up. You caught me. I give up. I can’t do this anymore.
I surrendered. Threw in the towel.
I leant on the system I was in for what it could give me, flexibility and grasped it.
I stopped getting fitter to run faster on the hamster wheel and stepped off instead. Left the wheel for a bit, jumped on a new wheel at a different pace.
What I am here to say is that burnout isn’t just a thing and it’s not going away, just because the whole workplace is talking about it.
Burnout is never all you and never all your fault. We respond to the systems and environments we are in. Sometimes they bring out the best in us, sometimes the worst. Sometimes they ask for more and we never say “when” to stop. Sometimes we’re aligned and hard work and long hours feel purposeful.
I’m not admonishing grit, dedication and good honest labour. I’m all for it, yet I hear and see less of that, and more treading water, trying to stay afloat.
Burnout is not just you, it’s the system too.
Burnout culture has to stop.
It’s becoming a norm and I don’t want it.
The only way for that to happen is if we all find our power and our agency. We take control and ownership of what we can change, feed back to the systems we are in if we can't change them or if necessary and possible, leave them altogether.
What's the opposite of burnout? The dream? What's the sunset for us all to walk into together?
I see Life. I feel energy. I feel aliveness. I imagine us all coming together with our diversity, and uniqueness. I see sustainability for people and planet.
I see humanity.
That's worth fighting for.
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