#191: To Lisbon
On May 16th Sarah and I go to Lisbon for 6 weeks.
Sarah is taking a 4 month career break and we’re going to spend the time travelling together.
I feel scared, excited, privileged, full of wonder and uncertainty as we go on this adventure together
The first 6 weeks is planned, Lisbon as a base to explore Portugal and perhaps that’s where we’ll return for the rest of the trip.
After the first 6 weeks in Lisbon, we don’t know where we’ll end up.
Taking some time out of full time work to travel together has long been a dream of ours.
In 2018, living in Stockwell and both commuting to West and East London we talked about taking a break and having the chance to reset and reassess our lives.
After lots of hard work and recalibration, we’ve finally created a situation where we can both make it happen.
It’s not been easy and for a long while I felt embarrassed when we’d tell friends of our dream to do some travelling together because it seemed like it would never emerge.
I felt like a broken record and wondered if we’d be that couple that always talked of something, but never made it happen.
It’s unusual too, we’re at the time in our lives when we “should be” (there’s that pesky should again) buying a house and settling down. We “should be” either moving 'back up North' or buying a house in the suburbs of London. That would ‘make the most sense’ and it’s what many of our friends are doing or have done.
We’re not walking that path yet though, we’re currently without a permanent home, living between a rented room in London and Sarah’s parents home. We are choosing to spend 4 months travelling together.
I’m proud of us both, Sarah mostly, career breaks in companies are hard to come by.
From what I can tell, and have seen first hand through Sarah, they exist. Yet they’re not well advertised and if you want a career break or a sabbatical you have to push to make it happen and then deal with the inevitable feelings of guilt and discomfort at having taken it for yourself.
I feel that way too, I chose to relinquish control and step away from Sanctus full time because I wanted freedom and choice, I wanted a break. Yet I live with some of the guilt of that and I still hear a strong “should” in my head. I should be full time in the company I started.
I feel a mix of exhilarated and terrified of spending 4 months travelling at 30/31. I cringe at the thought of being lost, at escaping, at running away from my problems. I’ve had brilliant times travelling in my life, but in some of those moments I was running away from my problems, am I doing that again?
I feel conflicted too. I long for travel and adventure, and also for comfort and stability, all at the same time. For the next 4 months, it's travel and adventure.
My heart races at the thought of another flight with another big suitcase to lug around. My body wants to rest in a comfortable chair that I can call my own. Yet I don’t know where that is and I don’t own a chair, literally.
The questions around home, belonging, where to base ourselves are front and centre for us both. Yet neither of us feel like we can answer them here.
I can’t get a sense of what I want in my in-laws spare room, nor can I when in London, a City that I know all too well.
I last travelled in 2015, I escaped to Bali running away from my feelings and my problems. They both came with me.
7 years on from my last mini-adventure, I know that all my feelings and big life questions will come along on any plane journey with me. This time, I’m ok with that.
A new environment, a new place, a break and a chance for Sarah and I to be completely together, her without work, for the first time ever, will be something very special for us both.. From there, from a different place, I hope the questions in our life are both less urgent, less big and might even look different too.
What I find hardest about these wonderful problems to have is feeling alone with them.
When I feel like I’m the only one asking these questions about life in the UK, in London and how I’ll find a place to live where I feel like I belong, that aligns with work, family, my health, wellbeing and fulfilment.
I sometimes wish I did just want to tread a more well trodden path. I wish it wasn’t a path sometimes, I wish I was just on the M1 in a Ford Fiesta. I might make life easier for myself. I sometimes wish I was buying a 3 bed semi in a lovely little commuter town with decent links to London, that’d be nice.
Yet, the less trodden paths lure me in, it thrills me, excites me and those paths are what I want to explore. I can’t help it, my feet just go there.
To where, who knows?
For now, to Lisbon.
Cheers,
James x
🔦 Spotlight: Marafun Run Club, George Bettany 🔦
Over the next few weeks I am going to spotlight people that inspire me and who's work I believe is important to the world, and I hope you too.
For the inaugural week of 'Spotlight' I'm beginning with my Brother, co-founder and chief motivator, George Bettany. I want to spotlight his approach to running. In the last 2 years I've seen GB go from ego-driven "I want to smash a marathon as fast as I can" to running a virtual marathon alone in Lichfield. He runs without a watch, he doesn't always care about the time and he runs to feel good. It's inspiring. Counter-intuitively he now runs Marathons for fun, fast, but I know he genuinely doesn't care about the time.
His running mantra's of "just get out", "run slow and steady", "run at 2/10 capacity" have helped me with running and plenty of others too. He's set up a running club in his hometown of Lichfield and an online community as well. All whilst being the chief energiser within Sanctus.
The reason I believe the world needs this is because this approach is about more than running. It's about dropping the ego, dropping the focus on outcome and focusing on the process. It's about the practice of running in this instance, being in the moment and feeling each step. It's the journey, the run that matters, not the destination or the finish line, and definitely not the speed in which you do it.
Keep running GB.
You can find out more aboutMarafunon the website here or follow on Instagram.
What I'm writing
Writing about marriage on LinkedIn REALLY REALLY resonated (13,000 likes!)
What I'm reading
I write reviews on Good Reads.
I just finished Lord of the Rings; The Fellowship of the Ring. So very good, I am resonating with all the characters and the journey, it feels timely for me. I think I am most like Bilbo.
My book - 'Mental Health at Work'
You can order my book 'Mental Health at Work' from Amazon, Bookshop.org, Foyles, Waterstones & Audible.
Who am I?
Writer, founder, husband, never been in a band.
Wannabe poet, imposter, constantly lost
Thinker, philosopher, not a drinker
Joker, chancer, bad dancer.
shoulder chipped Stokie
champagne hippie
Asks questions,
the big ones
best ones.
Always
asking
Who
am
I?