#181: Joy
I felt joy on Sunday.
I’d had a really good day.
I’d been to visit the hotel where Sarah and I will go for a meal with our family after we get married.
Then we’d spent the day relaxing at my parents house.
Then we planned some of our next trip away.
We got in the car to go home and I felt really happy.
I was smiling, it was a good day, no complaints, no negatives, nothing could have been better.
Then from nowhere, some worry kicked in.
“What about this?”
“Am I doing the right thing?”
It was like I’d been running and the parachute on my back opened up, slowing me down, pulling me back.
I noticed the tone of this voice in my head, a voice I know well.
It’s a voice many coaches will call the inner critic or the saboteur.
I noticed this voice not wanting me to relax into my happiness and not wanting to let me feel it all.
I see now that worrying and anxious thoughts are not bad or irrelevant, they are very necessary and many times are there to keep me safe.
I thank my worrying mind for all it has done for me in the past.
Yet in this moment, I wanted to feel all my joy and revel in it.
There are many times that I revoke myself of joy.
I might place joy in the future and link it to an event, the old “I’ll be happy when” adage.
Or I might dampen my celebrations for fear of making someone else feel bad.
In other times I might stop myself from feeling happy, because I’ll “jinx it”, because of “what if”
Usually I am censoring myself from feeling happy now, right now, in that moment.
I have cultivated many practices in my life to explore, process and articulate feelings that have been taboo in our society for a long time.
Sadness, anger and shame. I’ve become quite familiar with. Hello old friends.
Practices such as journaling, therapy and coaching have helped me get in touch with many of my emotions. Even practices like boxing, therapy, hiking and meditation have been useful tools along the way.
Joy though is an emotion that in my experience can be slippery.
I sense that many people, myself included, feel silly or embarrassed to fully express proper glee, proper child-like happiness.
I notice too that many of the places and spaces that we might have celebrated our joy in have been cordoned off for the last couple of years.
Dancing, socialising, laughing together, music and other forms of social gatherings have been massively reduced. I know for me the clink of a glass will always be a ritual to celebrate joy.
Come to think of it, where is the joy in our world right now?
It’s occasionally on social media; someone celebrating their engagement or a new baby, or a new home.
It’s rarely on mass media, I see more stern faces than I do joyful ones.
Are we devoid of joy in modern day society? Are we cut off from joy?
I think we may be a little distant from our old friend joy.
I was listening to a podcast yesterday where Ed Sheehan talked about how him and his wife celebrate moments. They buy a nice bottle of wine and then they write on the label where they are and what they are celebrating. They then keep the bottles in their house. I think this is a brilliant creative ritual to celebrate with.
Beyond the occasional birthday party though, what are our rituals for celebrating joy?
I don’t know and my guess is that we have to create some new ones, or get back in touch with the rituals of old.
En-joy.
Cheers,
James x
Poem of the week.
Joy and Sorrow by Kahlil Gibran
Great spot at The Tawny for post-ceremony meal :)
new Sanctus partner and book in the wild :)
What I'm writing
My new segment "Crazy Talk" (separate section of this newsletter) Here i'll be sharing all the wacky ideas in my head for what to work on next.
Why having a 'Personal Brand' for Founders can be awesome - Sifted (NEW)
All of my Published Writing here
What I'm reading
I write little reviews of what I've read on Good Reads. you can follow me if you're into that kind of thing.
I'm reading "Piranesi" by Susanna Clarke. Very abstract, I'll let you know how I get on.
My pocket read is Upstream by Mary Oliver, she writes about art and creativity in a way that deeply resonates.
I just bought "The Future of Capitalism" by Paul Collier. Here we go.
My book - 'Mental Health at Work'
You can order my book 'Mental Health at Work' from Amazon, Bookshop.org, Foyles and Waterstones
You can listen to my book as an Audio Book too! Here it is on Audble.
Personal Website with writing and other bits -
https://jamesroutledge.co/
Sanctus website with more about Coaching in the workplace -
https://sanctus.io/
Who am I?
I'm Founder of Sanctus and Author of "Mental Health at Work"
I write this newsletter about mental health, startups and my life journey. 8,000 people like it enough to still be here. I try to respond to everyone who emails me, it just takes me a while.