#174: Moving back to Stoke
I’m back in Stoke for a few months.
On Sunday we left London with all of our possessions packed in a hired van.
From Monday I set myself in Sarah’s spare room at her parents and I’ve been here since.
I’ve not lived “at home” since I was 19, 11 years ago.
I fled to Uni at that age and other than a couple of weeks here and there, I’ve not been “at home” since.
Coming back I felt nervous to move in with parents, to lose some independence and to ‘go back’ to Stoke.
I notice that having lived in London I have developed a mild level of snobbery towards the rest of the world, there’s an entrenched belief in London that London is the centre of the universe and is the progressive, creative centre of the UK. I buy some of that, not all of it. I also don’t like forgoing and forgetting where I’ve come from, it’s something I’ll never let myself do.
I’ve been worried how easy it’ll be for me to stick to a vegan diet, get a good coffee, connect with people from ‘my world’ in my professional circle.
Three days in and it’s been great. I feel incredibly settled and connected to friends and family.
I’ve joined a rowing club, a gym and met Doug for lunch. Everything I’d do in London.
Then this weekend I can spend with family friends.
I wouldn’t say I’ve been lonely in London, at times i have, I’ve mainly been tired. To connect with people takes effort and planning, it was less spontaneous for me.
Everything needed to be booked in weeks in advance, even breakfast.
I’m probably in a bit of a honeymoon period at the moment, but for now. I’m enjoying myself and feel settled, I do feel at home. I’m glad to be spending time at my roots, where I grew up for 19 years.
In my bones, I know this isn’t forever, and can’t be with work commitments from January. Yet I also know there is another adventure to take at some point, another way to live.
Home and belonging is what I’ve been sitting with for years and I feel on the cusp of change there.
What I’m reflecting on the most and what I’d most like to share is how I saw this move as a step back and a step down. Which inadvertently assumes that I wouldn’t be getting ahead or moving forward.
Again, I feel this desire to be constantly growing, developing, moving forward, winning, competing.
Especially in London, living in Fulham I found this was all around. Houses I can’t afford, beautiful cars, people from a world I sense is different to mine. I could feel myself trying to keep up, to play the game that I’ll never win.
I notice the system that we’re all in, the one where you must earn more each year, you must progress, you must DO something else.
What I’m realising is that I get to choose whether I play that game or not and I can play by my own rules.
Moving to Stoke, moving in with parents at 30 with no house, no kids, no marriage and no possessions (other than books, art and champagne) is me (and Sarah) playing by our own rules and doing what’s right for us, right now.
Where that leads us who knows, we still don’t know exactly where we’re going to live in January and that’s ok.
It’s interesting for me to reflect on the “rules” and “what you should do” to check if that’s something I’m creating for myself or something that actually exists.
Now, I’m going to back listening to the radio on an old-school stereo and seeing the magpies fly past the window (I’ve seen 3 this morning, joy then sadness).
Cheers,
James x
P.s if you’re in Stoke and want to connect let me know.
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