#172: I'm a published author
Yesterday I officially became a published author with Penguin.
It’s a feeling I’ve mostly been describing with words such as “mad”, “surreal” or just “yeah!”
This usually means I’ve not quite let it land within me, I’ve not really accepted it.
I’ve received loads of kind words, congratulations, messages and people have said some very nice things to me.
Yet if I’m honest they’ve been washing over me and those kind words haven't really been going in.
I know that it’s an achievement to have published a book with a recognised publisher and I know what I’ve achieved in building Sanctus over the last 5 years is great.
Yet I don’t know how much I really feel all of that, I know it, in my head, but I don’t really feel any different.
If I’m honest, it’s as if I still have my guard up, as if I don’t want to accept the kind words and congratulations in case something goes wrong, in case it all falls apart or slips away. I’m protecting myself.
I’ve recognised this before in my life, where I’ve noticed that to share when you’re struggling with something requires vulnerability, yet to also feel joy or excitement, love or affection is also an exposing act too.
I’m scared to be too happy, just in case.
Which when I write, seems a sad way to be, it’s another great way of never being happy.
If I lean into what I am happy about it, I feel pleased to be have been recognised as a writer and for the work we’ve done with Sanctus. Indirectly, I am very pleased Sanctus is being recognised.
I was expecting this post to be full of exclamation marks and celebrations, but actually I feel quite nervous and awkward, not fully feeling confident enough to be absolutely ecstatic.
Rather than feeling more confident or taller, or really glowing in all the love and support I’ve received. I do feel more comfortable somewhere within, it’s a quieter, softer feeling.
I’ve never completed a big challenge in my life, I’ve never ran a marathon or anything like that. Writing a book was a big challenge for me creatively and I’ve completed it.
Writing a book in fact now I come to think about it is one of the few things in my entire life that I’ve actually completed (oh wow this is a revelation in real time).
I have no degree, did no dissertation, failed my first company and in starting a business nothing ever feels complete. Writing this book is one of the only things I have actually done that’s completely finished.
It’s been a reason to be celebrated, have a party, share it with people - it’s been like a rite of passage in my life that I never knew I needed. I’ve actually finished something!!
As a result, I do feel more comfortable, because I feel like I’ve got something that can’t be taken away from me. An achievement that is mine to cherish.
When I went to therapy a few years ago I was really working on disentangling my relationship between me and my business. I went into therapy asking “Who am I without work?” I came out feeling more rounded, grounded and with a much healthier separation between me and Sanctus.
I’m all for having multiple passions, interest, hobbies and exploring the different parts of ourselves - it’s healthy and means our identities aren’t latched onto one thing or when one thing falters, we don’t fall over.
I put a lot of myself into Sanctus and my work over the years, too much at times, whilst writing a book has been another creative project. It’s been something that whilst linked to Sanctus, it’s been separate, it’s been mine and achieving it’s completion has given me something that I didn’t have before.
It’s not all book launches, podcasts and fancy photos of this beautiful pink and blue book - there’s a complex web of woven emotions going on underneath. All we usually see is the “Sunday Times Best Seller” titles and LinkedIn role title changes to “Author”
There’s always a lot going on for all of us under the surface with each passage in our life. This feels like a moment to remember and turn of a chapter in my life and I wanted to share a little bit of what’s under the surface with you.
Cheers,
James x
A couple of snaps from the small book launch I did the other night, kind of looks like me and GB got married.
My book
You can order my book 'Mental Health at Work' from Amazon, Bookshop.org, Foyles and Waterstones
What I'm up to
I just finished Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell, I thought it was great, incredibly well written and I liked hearing another side of Shakespeare's life. it showed what it could have been like to be his wife and was a great fictitious depiction of her and the family dynamic.
I'm doing a meetup on Thursday 7th Oct @ Hurlingham Books from 1pm - 6pm
I'm doing lots of podcasts and talks at the moment, when they've died down I'll be able to really focusing on writing consistently on a wide range of topics, the book is taking a lot of spce up right now.
Thanks:
If my writing, or my work has impacted you and you'd like to say thank you or send me a tip to keep me writing, you can send me some ETH or BTC. I'm v interested in how crypto works in a creator economy.
ETH - (0x28554Bc197416bA913C32faf2b278B9f5f651119)
BTC (34e3P9bcjfVWtvWSba1ijAHxAHpRnjbrzs)
Personal Website with writing and other bits -
Sanctus OnlIne Gym with daily journaling classes - https://sanctus.community/welcome
Sanctus website with more about Coaching in the workplace -
Who am I?
I'm the Founder of a Mental Health mission called Sanctus and I'm the Author of a Book; "Mental Health at Work" that's published by Penguin.
I write this newsletter about mental health, startups and my life, my journey and 8,000 people like it enough to still be here. I try to respond to everyone who emails me, it just takes me a while.